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Sometimes, I think that God is playing a joke on me. I think that he planted the thought in my head that there
is this utopia, incredibly happy life that is obtainable, but I'm just not trying hard enough to get there. It seems
that I'm never happy. When I'm on drugs, I'm desperate, strung out, depressed, miserable, suicidal... when I'm not on
drugs life is boring, everything is mundane, nothing makes me happy or smile. Is it me? Am I just an unhappy bitch
or is that utopian happiness just a myth. Does everyone feel this way, or is it just addicts or just me? I'm so
confused at this point in my life. When I'm using, in a way its cool because nothing is expected of me. I have
nothing to lose. But also, I have nothing. Life is so weird, or maybe its just me!
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